Believe

I was raised in United Church of Christ. I went every sunday with my mom from the time I was a baby until I was 15. I went to sunday school, and when I got old enough I took over watching babies during church. I went to youth group every wednesday, and with them went to La Foret, a church camp in  Colorado. I had my first french kiss at La Foret. When I was 15 I went to conformation classes. I made it through 3 had a great time, but on that 4th class we were talking about loss and greif. A new pastor had just started a month or 2 befrore and did not know that my father had just died. We got talking about the loss and greif and I brought up a point he was totally ignoning, then he proceded to tell me I knew nothing about loss and greif and probably some other horrible things that you shouldnt say to a 15 year old grieving for the loss of her father. I left conformation class that exact minute went in to the chaple to cry and call my mom. After that I stopped going to church on sunday, stopped conformation classes, but continued on with youth group. I went to high school and by senior year I had stopped youth group and La Foret completly.
From the time I was 17 until now I would always say "I am agnostic". I didnt know what I believed in. I was angry that if there was a god why did he let a 14 year old girl lose her father. I then came around saying god was just up there watching not interviening in our lifes because there was no possible way for god to respond to everyones prayers. I dont understand how a "god" could let what happends in Africa with the starvation and ilness, and also give a rats ass about a football game, an actor winning an award.
Now with this cancer and everything else I have found what I "believe". I am an athiest. I do not believe there is a god up there judging me and my actions. I believe I just need to be a good person, do good work in my community, be a loving wife, daughter and someday a mother. My cancer is genetic, no outside influences, such as a cell phone, foods, or microwave, ect. I am not being punished for something bad, I am just unlucky with my genetics. I make my own destiny, there is no path. I am making ym own choices, I made bad ones, I also make good ones. It tooks me years to realize this but I know I have found what is right for me. I know it will upset a lot of people in my life but I cant pretend to believe in something I dont, or lie and say I am agnostic I dont know what I believe. I do know, and I am willing to share it, but I will still do what I do and not ram it down peoples throats, or go out of my way to say it.

Warrior

I have been listening to my old Ipod and 18 Wheeler by Pink came on. It perfectly describes my life right now. Beating cancer and not letting it beat me. This is my theme song and I will rock it!
Hey, hey, man! What's your problem? 
I see you tryin' to hurt me bad 
Don't know what you're up against 
Maybe you should reconsider 
Come up with another plan 
Cuz you know I'm not that kinda girl 
That'll lay there and let you come first 

Give it a listen. Pink is all about woman power, but it can be applied to so much more. My personal power over cancer.